Sunday, December 12, 2010

.train hopping.

All Pictures From FuckYeahPILFS






A good guy friend named Larry Crarry (no joke, legit name), is generally always drunk-high, his term not mine, he is literally one of the smartest people i know, his IQ is outrageous, but i guess like most genuis people, why use it? he'd rather spoil his liver. But, anyways, he's the first train hopper i've met, his tales of adventures on and off the trains, the places he goes, and the colorful people he meets always keep me interested as he half-way slurrs his stories when he comes back around to Ohio. He heads south and west during the winter and even in the summer he doesn't stick around for long, he gets itchy feet as he calls it. I envy his life, consistently free and whenever he feels like up and moving he can, it's a rough life he tells me, but a fun and dangerous one, hardly a dull moment, spanging for change just for a 40 and a sandwich for the day, some times lucky enough for a bottle of Jack. Every time he leaves he always ask me to come with, and next summer i might take him up on it. I've always pondered the possibility of a lighter life, a crusty one, but i'd see the country learn the lines, and meet some unforgettable people, i like a free-ish life style. I guess a motorcycle would be more practical, not really as safe, definitely more legal, but not as fun, a little more independent, but what stories would i be able to tell..... a train hoppper's life for me?

Saturday, December 11, 2010

.productivity.

buh-bye first-ever-patch-bag, your functionality has served its purpose, you've been a lot of places and seen many shows, but you hold memories no longer wanted.  :)

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

located two ribs below the heart, it is called hate

So i used to write all the time, journals mainly, and i was going through some old ones and found a bunch of quotes from books i would read....
                "... love unreturned eventually transforms into a fierce tangled mess, nerves and entrails exposed like split animal innards... sometimes the unrequited must demand reparations that love can be a mean spiteful process, that sometimes one loses patience with love. So, then the nerves and guts have seemingly been packed away, sewn in, and cleaned up so as not to make all the innocent by-standers uncomfortable, the carrier of this love becomes heavy with a toxic lump that grows, slowly and steadily, into a fierce ball of scarred tissue. ... located two ribs below the heart, it is called hate."
- "Skinny" By Ibi Kaslik

and another one... on the opposite end of the above one...

                 "...i know where i want your long fingers: tangled in my hair, pulling my head back, running up from my hips to my collarbones, stopping and pausing at all the right places..."
                 "...[he] you could say wadn't purdy, but he was hot, raw sexy, menacing sexy. An epitome of sorts, too, but not any kind of golden boy. Not bring on the babes 'cause i am a man. More of a you might not see me , but when you do, you'll decide I'm sexy."
-"Pretty, Little, Dirty" By Amanda Boyden
.winter.......

Sunday, December 5, 2010

.i'm not sad, i'm just in a state of being.

like limbo, i'm neither happy or sad, lonely or together, i'm existing. and right now i'm fine with that. i've come to realize, after the last two relationships, that things don't really hit me until way later on. after the shock value wears off i suppose. it's been months since i kicked my ex out. MONTHS. but there was so much that happened during that time, that my head is just starting to really grasp and sort out everything. including regaining my sanity, literally.  don't feel bad for me, those of you know who you are. I'm fine just preoccupied by a lot of subconscious rewiring, sorting out and trying to forget soo much and soo many feelings, i wish no one to go through what i did, it was terrible, and finally i think i have learned my lesson, well at least i think so and bitterness and resentment towards myself the world and those of the male gender is my way of coping, like the old saying, time heals everything. Well now is my time and i need as much of it as possible. i'm bullheaded and half of this is bullshit, b/c i'm bullheaded and i feel like i cant break down even though thats sometimes exactly what i want to.
Like silverstein said "dont be sad, cause life goes on, it's getting too late tomorrow is here"